Anagram Time!

OK - given the weekend that's in it and the fact I'm from Dublin - rearrange the following to reveal what I will actually be saying, or rather, singing, along with fifty thousand others tomorrow afternoon? (4,2,3,4,2,4).

Answer appears below!

But did they come on? Not  a chance!

If the Sky Falls!

A natural concern of my mine is that if the digital world ever breaks down only an elite few people will be able to fix things - the rest of us won't have a clue. It's all very fine that, say, a sailor no longer needs a sextant to read the stars and thus know his location but what if his sat-nav blew a fuse or fell from the sky? Well, it would be hello fishies for him and his crew, I'd wager! Same with all else.

For every analog thing there is now a digital alternative which renders the original technology, and thus the skill required to use it, redundant. But what happens if a cosmic storm causes the new world order to go out-of-order? How can we fall back on the analog equivalent to get us out of the hole if the skills are gone?

They say there is no-one on this earth who could accurately rebuild any of the civic buildings that were erected only a couple of hundred years ago - no one on the planet has the skills to do it now. If things go on as they are digitally then my bet is that in fifty years there will be no one left on earth with the skills to even fix a puncture.

That's why in my own corner of the world, the wardrobe through which I enter cyberspace, i.e. my office - I refuse to give up on my analogue friends, the ones that have stood me in good stead since I started out, completing exemplary tasks for me with little complaint. I'm sticking with them as ye never know what might happen.

So, take a bow please ... my transistor radio; my filofax; my abacus; my pen and ink; my notebooks; my LPs; my sextant; my video cassettes; my magnifying glass; my candelabra; my ukulele  ... ba dum dum 'n'... my scythe and my thresher; my whiteboard and markers; my books; my windy clock; my plus fours; my WD-40 ... annnnd ... my newspaper!

So there - a  victory for all things analog, though, I admit, I wouldn't have been able to tell you about them were it not for the Wi-fi router that connects my cordless PC to the world! Doh!

Eh ...it's ... it's the principle!

Stand Back, Aesop!

Ye might recall that we were talking about ancient fables only recently on this here blog but a modern day one was put across my path on Twitter yesterday and is certainly worth a read. Indeed, once I'd read it, all I could really say was - Aesop, eat your heart out! To wit:

"An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent. I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa. Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding anybody. They apologised to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa. Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie."

Now, go on now and have a nice day!

(Thanks to Jonny Geller for posting and Declan Burke for re-tweeting)

"Only two things that money can't buy - that's true love and home grown tomay-toes."

Ten Things We Didn't Know Last Week - #2

Been a couple of days since the last post, the reason for the slackery being ... ukuleles. Always ukuleles! But the Hooley is over for another year so it's time to get back to normal and to catch up on all those vitally important research findings that I've been missing and have missed. Such things as:

• The reason people gossip - which is because they feel that being in the know raises their reputation among their peers.
• Or the fact that men who walk or take a bus to work are, on average, a half a stone lighter than men who drive.
• Or the fact that women believe they look five years younger than their actual age, according to research by Lancôme.
• Or that readers of paperback books are more likely to recall a book's storyline than those who use electronic devices. 
• Or that the novel Trainspotting was more powerful in the fight against drugs than any warning from the UK's Chief Medical Officer.
• Or that, contrary to folklore, magpies are not attracted to shiny objects but are afraid of them.
• Or the fact that before the white man arrived in America there were an estimated 5 billion Passenger Pigeons there but by 1914 the species was extinct.
• Or the news that Chinese pilots have been told to ditch their regional accents or face losing their jobs.
• Or the revelation that sun-cream which washes off when people jump into the sea is poisonous to plankton ...
• unlike urinating in the sea, which is actually good for marine life - though probably not for other bathers!

More stuff to put in yizzer pipes and smoke, with the exception of that last one of course!

More tomorrow ...

Well I'll be darned!

Me, Myself and Uke!

In honour of this weekend's Ukulele Hooley Festival which takes place in Dun Laoghaire and in a manner quite uncharacteristic of The Dualist in my story, I decided that rather than be in two places at the one time that I would, today, be in one place at the one time but that I'd be there twice - if ye know what I mean! So I brought both my ukuleles with both my mes and we've decided to sing a little song for y'all! It's not often we get the chance to jam together after all! Hope you enjoy.

More in a couple of days ... 

Wonders of science!

From the Puzzle Factory ...

When the mind draws a blank, as it often does here in Bloggerville, it's good to be able to revert to other blank things to get us out of the windy space wherein we do find ourselves! So here is an easy peasy Dualist crossword to help you through your coffee break. But of course we're not scientific enough here to allow you to complete it online simply by tapping the answers into the boxes on the screen. Oh no, nothing so flash. I'm afraid you'll just have to print it out and fill it in by, God forbid, hand! But sure have a crack at it anyway and see how far you get. When you're done take a snap of it and post it below and who knows you could be the lucky winner of a FREE thingammyjig or such like. Let's say, yeah, another pint of Tuborg in the Beggar's Bush with me sitting beside you stopwatch in hand. Yeah that sounds good. So gwan now folks, get a cross addressin'!

More amárach ...

Simplex schmimplex!

One pint of Tuborg a commmmin' up!

Bit of a Giraffe!

There was a piece about comedians telling jokes in The Daily Telegraph yesterday which distracted me for a good half hour. I chuckled at some more than others and to save you the click and scroll here are my favourites.

• 'I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.' - Spike Milligan
• 'The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave. I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’ - Les Dawson
• 'Room service? Send up a larger room.'  - Groucho Marx 
• 'The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie.'  - Victor Borges 
• 'The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.' - Jay Leno
• 'Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.' - Benny Hill 
• 'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.' - Bob Monkhouse 
• 'First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.' - Steve Martin 
• 'She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.' - Bob Hope

Still laughing at the Bob Monkhouse one! To see all 100 of the blighters, clickety-click here.

Bob, gagmeister supreme!

The Jogi Blog!

Back at the desk after a few weeks in the sun. Indeed, it was a very nice break and I had a really nice time seeing the sights, scratching the bites, sampling the delights, and meeting some very interesting people along the way - the most unlikely and uplifting being the chap below! I reckon this is probably the closest I'll ever get to someone whose hands have been on the World Cup. Funny the people you meet while you queue for a pizza!

Meanwhile, the flat line on my 'activity graph' here tells me that a few gremlins spannered their way into the ole blogworks while I was away as several of the posts I had scheduled to appear went way down south and several of the ones I'd intended to share on the various social networks decided instead to sulk and stick to themselves. Naturally it was all mea culpa - I guess I'm still feeling my way round Blogger's badlands here with my size twelve flat feet. That said, if you want to discover what I'd intended for you to see while I was away - all you gotta do is scroll backwards in time! In particular, if you are interested in reading the first five chapters of my book, The Dualist, the reason this blog exists, and which I published over five consecutive days beginning August 10th, just click here. 

Or if you are just curious to know what it was that Herr Loew und Ich were actually talking about - well, all I can say is ...

More tomorrow ... 

Horse and Jogi!

Birthday Wishes for Nabokov's Young Lady

Vladimir Nabokov's controversial novel Lolita was published in the United States on this day in 1958. (It appeared a year later in the UK having been banned up to then). Unsurprisingly, given its theme, the book courted controversy from the very moment it was published (originally in France in 1955) and it was this controversy which prompted Nabokov to include an afterword in the US version of the book where he strongly refuted claims that it was either lewd or anti-American. He also insisted that his detractors based their criticisms not on his treatment of the theme but rather on the theme itself - which, he claimed was completely taboo at the time. Nabokov also said that, despite the fictional John Ray Jr.'s claim made in the Foreword, there is no moral to the story and he added that it was childish to study a work of fiction to gain information about a country, a social class or an author. Frankly, he was having none of it. Indeed in 1962 he told the BBC that Lolita was a special favorite of his. "It was my most difficult book—the book that treated of a theme which was so distant, so remote, from my own emotional life that it gave me a special pleasure to use my combinational talent to make it real." The book is regularly listed in polls of the best novels ever written with a recent Modern Library poll ranking it in 4th place below Ulysses, The Great Gatsby and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

Lolita - Nabokov said there was no moral to the story.

Anyone for Ukulele - Take the Quiz!

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Fantastic Voyages ...

On August 10th 1519 Ferdinand Magellan's five ships set sail from Seville on their mission to circumnavigate the globe but Magellan was killed in the Philippines midway through the expedition so it was his second in command, Juan Sebatián Elcano, who completed the expedition. Nearly 500 years later, on the 10th of August 1990, a NASA space probe named in Magellan's honour reached the planet Venus. I know that linking these two stories is as excessive as the opening scenes of the movie 2000 AD - A Space Odyssey where we see a satellite orbiting the earth immediately after a scene showing prehistoric man throwing his club in the air, but so what! Every once in a while it's probably worthwhile to pause and think about the breathtaking scope of human determination and endeavour and of how, in all likelihood, the latter achievement in this yarn would not have been possible were it not for the former. But I have no idea how Boney M have managed to get in on the act!

More in a couple of days ...

Boney 'M' for Magellan perhaps!

Take a run and jump, Adolf!

Date: Aug 9th 1936. Venue: Berlin, Germany. Occasion: The Summer Olympic Games: Games of the XI Olympiad. Hitler is there still blabbering on about his Aryan master race and all the rest of it. Then this man pops up and gives it to him right between the eyes - the first American to win four medals in one Olympiad - an epic feat eclipsed only by the legend of the man himself. Some victories are eternally sweet.

More tomorrow ...

Sweetest victory!

And in the End ...

No prizes for guessing what I'm talking about here. On this day in 1969 at a zebra crossing in London, the photographer Iain Macmillan took a photo that became one of the most famous album covers in recording history. Oh, alright then ... one teenchy weenchy little clue then.

More tomorrow ...

NW8 one fateful day!

Holidays are here again!

The Dualist will be doing a disappearing act later today as that time has come for us to make the annual pilgrimage to the Mediterranean. We'll be gone for a fortnight and the plan is to inhale a ray or two while catching up with what's still to be read on the bookshelf and simultaneously getting re-acquainted with the local cuisine, the vini locale and the local lingo. Can't wait.

But seeing as I'll be away off foreign - I think it would be a good idea to reveal a little of the book to you all in my absence. So for the next five days starting tomorrow I am going to post the first five chapters of the tome - to give you a feel for what it's about. Naturally, I hope you enjoy them and your comments will be as ever very welcome.

Following the posting of the chapters there will be a few more intermittent posts from my ethereal self, the digital me, until round about August 18 or 19th when I expect to be back at my desk again and whereby normal service will resume.

For now though it's Buona vacanza folks and happy holidays to y'all!

Get me to a beach!